Breakups won’t ever be easy. You’ll spend what feels like forever feeling empty, wondering if this was the way to go, how it might’ve ended up so broken. You’ll spend all that empty time missing the person and looking for distractions. And forget sleeping because you’ll spend late nights letting their heart wander in your mind, wanting to reach out to explain how you miss them and love them and care so deeply. You’ll worry that they’ll move on, or that you won’t. What if this was forever- and I ruined it?
It’s a strange death to be a part of. Much like attending a funeral with an open casket; that person is still there, but when you speak to them, they don’t respond. All the times you had spent with them transform into distant, glamorous memories. It’s like you both spent your lives with a joint bank account, saving money for future and then waking up one morning and that money is gone…tragic.
There are three types of relationships. And I’ll tell you them in the order that I’ve felt them:
- Rotten. My first “real” relationship occurred in high school- and arguably the most confusing I’ve ever had. We were best friends turned lovers. It was exciting, but unhealthy. While I thought I loved him, I did things to hurt him and he did the same. And because I didn’t know how to let go, I continued to hurt myself further by staying, trying to convince him out of the feelings he felt for someone else. Rotten represents the toxic relationships people choose to stay in or are too blind to see. They’re relationships that are strung along. And when you finally emerge from one, they seem a whole lot like a rotting fruit.
- Unripe. This relationship appeared as perfect in the beginning, but the signs of it being not possible floated to the surface as time passed. I was treated the best I had ever been, I was watered as needed, and I flourished. But fighting consumed our love and then beat us down until the road ended. Unripe represents the relationships that happen at the wrong time. Relationships where one, or both, of you have some growing to do. And because of this, there is some waiting to be done. You can’t consume a fruit that isn’t ripe.
- Ripe. To tell you the truth, I’ve never had a ripe relationship. And if I had, I suppose I’d still be with them. Ripe represents relationships that are perfectly brewed. By this, I mean both ‘participants’ are happy with themselves and capable of loving the other to the fullest extent. Everyone has their ups and downs, but these relationships are gold and always occur with flawless timing.
I’ve only had a handful of breakups- some weren’t “official” relationships and others were between friends, but all were uniformly painful. Most of them caught me by surprise, but it was (is) always the worst when I was able to see the shore washing it in. It’s very strange to suddenly be without someone you spent months, even years, alongside. It’s a heavy hollow feeling. Every action becomes without purpose. I can’t count the number of times I’ve had to switch to autopilot.
And I will never be able to say letting go and learning are easy. But breakups allow us to clear our space and evaluate the situation we’re in; What could be fixed? What should’ve been done differently? Is this really what I want? And equally, breakups teach us to stay in the moment and not look too far into the future. Appreciate what you have right now because it might be gone tomorrow. And this is exactly what you need right now, this is supposed to be happening. It is okay to hurt over it. Feel it as you may.
Love is not evil, in fact it is the most beautiful thing the universe has to offer. You can’t go backwards, only forward, so grow. This is happening so you can be ready for a love just as earth shattering and even more immense than the last. Who knows, someone wonderful might walk straight into your life at any moment. All in good time. If it’s meant to be, it will be.
The universe told me; Use this time for self reflection.