All the Things I Wish I Knew

I was originally going to make this post as a note to each of my previous lovers. It was going to be called All the Things I Wish I Said, but as I began to write, nothing worth saying came out. I realized that I had more lessons to myself and less words left unsaid because I had grown from every relationship I had. I had forgiven and become whole. And I was done blaming everyone else for everything that happened. It was time to take responsibility. So here’s the knowledge I’ve gained so far from my mistakes and misfortunes.


  1. Ignorance is chaos. Don’t be naive to the way the person you love is treating you. Convincing yourself the treatment you’re getting is normal is a lot easier than accepting the truth, but by doing so, you allow yourself to be caught up in a web of disillusion. Choosing not to see the truth will result in more heartbreak. And knowing the truth shouldn’t equal suffering. It’s supposed to set you free. Do yourself a favor and don’t settle. You should be with someone who respects every part of you. Your love is not a joke. No one is allowed to make you feel little so they can feel big. Your heart is too pure to be wasted on people who aren’t ready to receive.
  2. Deception and manipulation are NEVER okay. I know this sounds like a given, but you’d be surprised how many times you let someone do this to you. How many times have you done it? Maybe you did it unconsciously, but love should not be unconscious. Love doesn’t consist of using someone to your advantage. You can’t induce love. You can’t plant memories in someone’s head. You can’t make people love you. You’ve taken a vow not to hurt people the way they hurt you. And that goes both ways.
  3. No stringing along love that is no longer present. Staying somewhere longer doesn’t guarantee a change or result. While you could be healing yourself and learning from what went wrong, you’re digging yourself a deeper grave. And I promise you’re going to have to find your way out. No one else can do it for you. Do you continue to water a dead flower? Let it go. Trust the universe and its process.
  4. Sabotaging someone else’s love won’t make them love you instead. When has getting in the middle of things ever paid off in your favor? Other people’s business is theirs only. Love is sacred so let it happen as it will. You don’t like the way it feels to get hurt and you don’t like hurting other people. Treat others with care and respect. Be mindful. You’ll receive when it’s time.
  5. Sex is a virtue, not a vice. Too many people participate in this activity absentmindedly. Don’t be one of them. Sex is communal and mutual. It is not a game. It is not a form of revenge. It should not hurt someone, sex is no weapon. It should never leave you feeling empty and you will not use it as a form of self-harm. You shall not take from each other through it. There’s a difference between someone who wants to have sex with you and someone who loves you. If you feel bad, before, during, or after, then why are you doing it? You shouldn’t feel weird when it’s happening! When you have sex, you become one with the other person. Be cautious and feel the love it brings.
  6. There is no giving and taking in a relationship. There is only sharing. Love is a consistent flow. It is balance between divine feminine and divine masculine. When you begin to take from that person, you disrupt that balance and things become unsteady. This leaves room for the bad to slip in. Remember, you embody yin and yang. Too much of anything is not good.
  7. Love yourself before you try loving someone else. You cannot give someone something you do not have for yourself.
  8. True love finds you when you are ready. I read this somewhere and it hasn’t left my mind since. Only when you are happy on your own does it find you.
  9. Love isn’t complicated. You spend too much time in battle. Whoever told you love is hard was wrong. Love is supposed to be easy.  Love comes naturally and in harmony. Love is comfortable. If you’re not, leave.
  10. Love is free. There are no restrictions. When you really love someone, you want the best for them. You want them to be happy, even if it isn’t with you. I know it’s hard to let them go, but if it’s meant to be, it will be. They will return, all in good time. Your heart will open up when you master this. And I can’t emphasize this enough; you do not put the things you love in a cage.

Sometimes we feel undeserving because we haven’t experienced real love before. But it’s rare to find something that special so if you have it, don’t let it go. You’ll know when you do…I did.

 

Heartbreak has taught me a lot, but never to be bitter. The more you love, the bigger your heart gets, the more powerful you are (love conquers all) and the greater you radiate that love within you, the more you will receive. 

With Love,

LA.

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